Do I dumb down or can you smarten Up.....

Salamalaikum,

I think this is a battle that will rage within me till I get married, on the outside this argument ensues on an almost daily basis with my family members, it will possibly continue with my husband (if I get married) .....

The popular answer is that to get married you show them what THEY wanna see... a demure, coy, shy girl who speaks in a soft voice. Is unknown to the world out there and does not know what really exists out there...waits for her man to take her hand and show her all that is out there. I should be waiting for him to extract the smart woman that lies inside.

Isn't that equivalent to cheating, not presenting who you really are? Sure ppl are like onions, different layers and all that (love the donkey in shrek for this) but how abt at least giving them an idea of who you really are. Does arranged have to mean showing them the picture they wanna see.

And I mean how do you get a 27 year old independent, smart girl who has a constant thirst for knowledge islamic and worldly to dumb down. How do you tell her to wait for her husband so that she can start analyzing all that exists out there..... helloooooo ...ever heard of the medium called internet.... it does allow everyone the opportunity to read what we call newspapers....

While I am expected to dumb down, why isn't my prospective husband expected to smarten up.... I mean Rasool Allah (Peace be upon him) married women who were smart, intelligent, strong women in their own right, who held their own either before being a part of his life or after his death.
I mean Khadija and Aisha (Radhi Allahu ta'ala 3nhum) were women who existed in a society that believed men to be the heads, the leaders. Yet they conducted business, and a madrassa with as much ease as men of their societies. So how come we name our daughters after them... yet when our daughters turn out like them.... the men of our 'Islamic' society are threatened by such women, or as fathers and brothers they will try to encourage dumbing it down.....

I mean think abt it, if you were asked to form a team wouldn't you want to have a partner that was as strong as you if not stronger to be able to win. Then why not a partner in deen and duniya who is strong and intelligent.....

Yes I know here comes the age old argument of the Alpha male and his need to protect what he believes is his 'delicate' one. A strong woman needs protection just as much as a delicate woman does, their levels might be different. Syeda Khadija (Radhi Allahu t3ala 3nha) was a strong woman, and her strength helped Rasool Allah when he first started calling the kuffar to Islam.... Syeda Aisha (Radhi Allahu t3ala 3nha) was a strong woman, a smart intelligent woman through whom we got a glimpse into the personal life of Rasool Allah, she questioned him abt different things. Had a sense of humor, and had a wit abt her.... She was Rasool Allah's (sallalahu alaihee wa sallam) half.

If we have such glorious examples in the history of Islam, why should I dumb down my intelligence, why should I be ungrateful to Allah for making me strong, for making me smart, for making me curious......why shouldn't I be thankful and grateful to Allah for blessing me with the capability to think for myself, for being able to judge the right from the wrong, for having the energy, the drive, the passion to better myself for my deen and my duniya.....

If you can't see anything good in these things for your son then may Allah bring in ur and ur son's life someone u have envisioned.... Aameen.

As for me, I'll hold on to my faith that Allah made me this way for a purpose and the best way to show my appreciation for all that He has blessed me with is that I use it in better preparing myself for a bright a'7khira..... and maybe just maybe in this world there is someone out there who will take me as I am for who I am inshAllah......