STOP .... I wanna get off NOW....

Its not true, tell me that this hasn't gone on for as long as it has... it can't have...it shouldn't have... No ride goes on for this long especially the kind that I've been on.... they are supposed to be jolts ... short and quick...yet this one seems to never end.... I don't want to play this game of yes, no... I don't want roundabout answers... I don't want to stick around anymore.... I wanna get off NOW...and by NOW I mean NOW....

You, you the oppressor, you the leader, you the head, you the sadist...yes thats right I called you a sadist coz you enjoy the pain you inflict, you enjoy knowing that there is someone who is reeling from the pain you have inflicted upon them. You get a high knowing that you caused someone to be helpless, you enjoy looking at another's helplessness... don't you.... Tell me it isn't so I know u will tell me but I have seen otherwise... I have been shown another picture....

But while I sit here and blame you for what you did.... I look at myself and think how did I let you do that... and while you were busy doing it ...why wasn't I busy walking away ... heck why wasn't I running in the opposite direction....What makes me stop dead in my tracks, what makes me give you another chance, what makes me listen to you once again....

I left a million times, I held myself back when all i really ever wanted to do was call you, when all I ever wanted to do was send you a msg, when all i ever wanted was to hear you be kind and sweet to me.... and then you kept coming back... and I kept taking it as a sign that maybe this was meant to be.... Now I sit here and ask myself was this really meant to be, if so why am I being asked to pay such a heavy price for it? Are the tears that have rolled my cheeks, the nights I have curled in my bed with my face in the pillow so no one will hear my sobs, the way my stomach has curled whenever you have mentioned the fact that this may never be, the way I have become nauseous when faced with the fact that this is coming to an end.... Is this a fair price to pay ..... forget the fact that the only person paying in this is me....

I need to leave, I have to leave ...for the sake of my sanity..... for the sake of survival I have to leave....

I know in the west, the catch phrase is I don't deserve this...but I can't seem to use it...coz I don't know what I deserve, the only being who can be just in giving me what I deserve is Rabbee.... but I can say one thing for sure.... I don't want this.

I don't want to be on a ride that has gone on for as long as it has, I do not want to be on a ride that has the side effects that I have experienced, I don't think the price I am being asked to pay is a fair price. I loved this ride, but it just ain't worth it.