Last words to you....

salam alaikum,

feel like a hypocrite even saying those words to you, becoz where I am right now I do not wish peace upon you. Yes its mean, but its also the truth. The truth of what is in me and the fact that I have once again shared it to your face.

I keep going back to the conversations I have had with you and keep thinking to myself, where did I lie to you? Did I not give you all the facts upfront, did I not give you the option of going further or stopping now... Did I not tell you that regardless of how 'ISLAMIC' your family is they carry with them the traditions that outweigh islam. i.e: Your mother questioning my chastity???

I do want to scream and rave and rant, but its of no use, becoz with everything you will have an excuse, that will exonerate from even accepting that you are in any way to blame for this.

Its amazing that you feel you can tell and share things abt others yet you would never share those same things abt yourself with your own mother. You would stand there and listen to her while she says, oh my son I do not know if she is still honorable yet u do not have the courage to say to your mother, I spent days and nights with another woman in the same room, maybe even on the same bed. Yet I claim to be pure.

The girl I have been talking to for the past two years has known of what all I shared with another woman who was never my wife, yet she never judged me on THAT !!! The only thing she cried abt was how I treated HER....

Wonderful way of the Ummah wouldn't you agree, we bring in the sunnah when it comes time to make someone else do the things in how we do them, we find hadith and real life examples from the Rasool's life to back us up.
Yet, when it comes to speculation abt another we chime in with our loved ones abt them. How abt saying to our loved one, let us look at ourselves who knows what kind of faults of ours Allah has hidden due to His infinite mercy.

The things/issues your mother is raising now, they are neither new to me nor am i shocked by them, but I was taken aback by your actions and reactions to all that she said. She doesn't know me from adam on the street. But you do... and you know me WELL.... You claimed friendship, here you proved you are not even a friend coz a friend would stand up and if not defend personally at least they would be able to say as a muslim, lets not speculate abt another's past only Allah knows what they did or didn't do.

For someone who has always passed judgement on my iman and deen, you have shown me a clear example of what deen becomes when its twisted for your own selfish needs and wants.

I wanted very very much to marry you becoz I believed you would be a good leader of the house, you would be a good father, and even tho you are young and wild at the moment, i saw traces of you returning to the path of your father and follow the right.

You know how you always said khanum I can't see you, I am not around you to know exactly I can only come to my conclusions based on what you tell me, well EMT I came to conclusions based on each and every one of your actions towards me.

You know your mother, all children have a very good idea of what makes their mothers tick. They have a very good idea of what ideas will fly and which will fail infront of their parents.

So in that case I hold you completely and totally responsible. I gave you the facts, I told you the truth and knowing what all you knew of your traditions, of your parents you still chose the path where I would get hurt. You lost nothing, but I got hurt. I got hurt even after being honest with you and towards you.

May Allah do justice for what you did. If not in this world then in the hereafter.

The rest is all going to be fine in your home, coz you never cared and you will never care. You will walk away telling yourself that mom didn't approve and therefore it wasn't meant to be. You msgd and that was that. Your job was done. Your job was not to make sure that u didn't hurt an innocent soul. You had put in the disclaimer that all this would be done on your mothers acceptance. You didn't put in the disclaimer that you would not do anything at all to make sure the other person didn't get hurt. That wasn't a part of the deal. Therefore you are not liable. And that makes it all easy, that makes it all wonderful....

Inna lillahee waa inna elaihee raaje'oun Allahumma ajarnee fee musabatee wakhluf lee khairam minha.....